I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
