Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
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