she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
