Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
