The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
