I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
