Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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