No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
