Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
