I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
