Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
