I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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