32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
