well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize