Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
