you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
