Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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