Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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