If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
