I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
