this boner is exhausting
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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