I'm so fucking centered right now
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
