So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
