I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
