I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
