Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
