We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
