If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
