yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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