she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
