it hurts more in the daytime
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
