i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
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