i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
