Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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