do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
