wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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