Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
