Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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