Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
