My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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