Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
