We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
