you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You left your phone here
Wait...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
