Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
