You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
only you would photoshop your dick
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize