I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize