Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
