R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
