I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
