either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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