So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
