She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
