please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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