32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
