I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
