remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
