her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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