some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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