I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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