I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
