4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
