I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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