I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
