I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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