my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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