it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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