Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
