I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
