I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize