i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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