her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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