I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
